Loving Parents--Funny Love For You Of The Day

Loving parents 

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". 

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". 

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". 

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". 

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

 Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said.  Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. 

 The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

Haircut Jokes--Funny Love Jokes

Haircut 

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. 

His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. 

You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your haircut and we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came back and  asked again, his father if they could discuss use of the car. 

They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but, you didn't get your haircut!" 

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair............ " 

To which his father replied....... "Yes, and they walked every where" 

Primate Jokes--Funny Love Jokes

Primate 

Q: What do baby apes sleep in? 

A: Ape-ricots! 

Q: What did the Gorilla call his first wife? 

A: His prime-mate! 

Q: Why do primates do so well in show biz? 

A: Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines! 

Q: What do monkeys eat for dessert? 

A: Meringue-utans! 

Q: What do you call a flying primate? 

A: A hot air baboon! 

Q: What do you call a naughty monkey? 

A: A badboon! 

Q: What do you call an exploding monkey? 

A: A baBOOM! 

Q: What is a monkey's favorite cookie? 

A: Chocolate chimp! 

Q: What kind of monkey flies to school? 

A: A hot air baboon. 

Q: What's the first thing an ape learns in school? 

A: The ape b c's! 

Q: When do monkeys fall from the sky? 

A: During ape-ril showers. 

Q: Where does a monkey cook his toast ? 

A: Under a gorilla! 

Q: Which sea will make you go ape? 

A: The chimpan-sea! 

Q: Why did King Kong climb the Empire State building? 

A: Because he couldn't fit in the elevator! 

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? 

A: Because they have big fingers! 

Keeping Wife Happy--Funny Love

Keeping Wife Happy

A husband desperate to keep his hot wife happy offers to buy is wife a new car. 

She cutely declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind." 

Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, "

That's not quite what I had in mind." 

Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?" 

She retorts, "I'd like a divorce." 

He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."