Funny Health One Liners
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.
Always identify who to blame in an emergency.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.
Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
He slapped his two inches on the doctors desk. The doctor said "What is wrong with it?" "It's swollen."
My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, "Everyone just eats it."
Masturbating is wrong in some people's eyes... Also, it burns.
I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
I like the way your medication thinks.
A healthy male organism is the one, which wakes up in the morning before the man.
I'm typically attracted to guys who look like I'll need therapy after dating them.
Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.
If you didn't take a selfie at the gym, were you really there?
See more: Funny jokes for adults
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