Camel Jokes Funny

Camel Jokes

Q: Why are camels called ships of the desert? 

A: Because they are filled with Arab semen! 

Q: What do you call a camel without a hump? 

A: Humphrey (Hump-free). 

Q: Did you hear about the camel who was accused of stock fraud? 

A: He took part in a hump and dump scheme. 

Q: Why did the Taliban school alternate Sex Education classes with Drivers Ed.? 

A: They only had one camel. 

Q. What do you call a Taliban who owns six camels? 

A. A pimp! 

Q: How do you have sex with a camel? 

A: One hump at a time. 

Q: What do camels use to hide themselves? 

A: Camelflauge! 

Q. What weekday is a Camel always looking forward to? 

A. Wednesday (Hump Day) 

Q: What do you call 144 camels in a box? 

A: Gross! 

Q: What is a camels favorite nursery rhyme? 

A: Humpty Dumpty 

See more: Short joke of the day

Diet Jokes Funny

Diet Jokes

Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? 

He'll dessert you. 

Did you hear about the hungry clock? 

He went back four seconds. 

What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? 

A beer in each hand. 

Have you seen the movie about the Atkins diet? 

Dude, Where's My Carbs? 

What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet? 

A desserter. 

When should you go on a cheese diet? 

If you need to cheddar a few pounds. 

Why should you go to the paint store if your on a diet? 

You can get thinner there. 

How do most people curb their appetite? 

At the drive thru window. 

What should you never put in an ice cream sundae? 

A Spoon. 

What do you call a fascist vegan? 

Lactose intolerant. 

What do vegan zombies eat? 

GgggggRrrAaaaIiiiNNnnnSSsss! 

Why do vegetarians give good head? 

Because they are used to eating nuts! 

What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley. 

What does a bulimic have for dessert? 

Two fingers. 

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow? 

One if nobody's looking. 

Why are most horses in shape?

Because they are on a stable diet. 

How do you know your low fat diet is working? 

The fat hangs lower every day. 

What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? 

A Salad Shooter 

See more: Daily jokes

The Best Grandma Jokes Funny

The Best Grandma Jokes Funny

Good jokes to tell

Q: Why do Grandmas smile all the time?

 A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying! 

Q: When is your grandmas bedtime? 

A: Three hours after she falls asleep on the couch. 

Q: Why do grandmas count pennies? 

A: They are the only ones who have the time. 

Q: When do you know your grandma is old enough to retire? 

A: Instead of lying about her age she start bragging about it! 

Q: What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma? 

A: Grandpa. 

Q: Why did gramma put wheels on her rocking chair? 

A: She wanted to rock and roll! 

Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? 

A: Instagram. 

Q: How did grandma get more money from her bank? 

A: With a deposit slip and fall. 

Q: What's the worst part about being grandpa? 

A: You have to sleep with grandma. 

Q: What does your grandma's pussy taste like? 

A: Depends. 

Married Man Joke Funny

Married Man Joke Funny

Funny adult jokes

A married man and his secretary were having torrid affair. 

One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. 

When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock. 

They got dressed quickly. 

Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. 

Bewildered, she did as he asked thinking him pretty weird. 

The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. 

The man replied, "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late." 

The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. 

YOU DAMN LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?" 

Marijuana Jokes Funny

Marijuana Jokes Funny

Funny jokes for adults

Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet? 

A: A joint in each hand! 

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? 

A: Han So-high 

Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? 

A: Because they're all in HIGH school 

Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in Mcdonalds? 

A: A baked apple pie. 

Q: What did the stoners girlfriend say? 

A: If I can't marry a dude, i'll Mary Jane 

Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? 

A: Marijuana 

Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka? 

A: The Holy Spirit! 

Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed? 

A: A baked potato. 

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?  

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green! 

Q: What do you call a stoner when horny? 

A: A weed wacker! 

Q: What do you call a bunch of mexican stoners? 

A: Baked Beans. 

Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? 

A: Wave. 

Q: What did the frog say after lighting up? 

A: Don't Worry be Hoppy? 

Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ? 

A: A pot belly 

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? 

A: Drug Abuse. 

Q: How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ? 

A: When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter. 

Q: How do you know your a pothead? 

A: You studied five days for a urine test? 

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?  

A: Mr. President.  

Q: What do you do if you see a space man while getting high? 

A: Park in it dude 

Animal Jokes That Are Really Funny

Animal Jokes That Are Really Funny

Animal joke 

Q: What kind of cats like to go bowling? 

A: Alley cats 

Q: What is black and white and red all over? 

A: A panda bear with a sunburn 

Q: Why do bears have fur coats? 

A: Because they look silly wearing jackets 

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a cow? 

A: Roost beef 

Q: What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster? 

A: Cockerpoodledoo 

Q: Why did the bee go to the doctor? 

A: Because he had hives 

Q: What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you? 

A: Big ones 

Q: What does a mixed-up hen lay? 

A: Scrambled eggs 

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? 

A: Because they have big fingers 

Q: What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath? 

A: Polly unsaturated! 

Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport? 

A: Wait at a buzz stop! 

Q: Why does a rooster watch TV? 

A: For Hen-tertainment! 

Q: Which kinds of snakes are found on cars? 

A: Windshield vipers. 

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? 

A: Should we walk home or take a dog? 

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? 

A: Spoiled milk 

Dancer Jokes That Make You Laugh

Dancer Jokes

Funny adult jokes

Where can you dance in California? 

San Fran-disco 

What do you call a group of peppers dancing? 

A salsa. 

What did the groovy bank robber say?

Everybody get down! 

What dance do hippies hate? 

A square dance. 

What do you get if you cross an insect and a dance? 

A cricket ball! 

What's thirty feet long and smells like piss? 

Line dancing at a nursing home. 

Why do ants dance on jam jars? 

Because the jar says 'twist to open'! 

What dance do women do when summer is over? 

Tango (tan-go) 

Which dance will a chicken not do? 

The foxtrot! 

Where do fortune tellers dance? 

At the crystal ball. 

What is a pigs favourite ballet? 

Swine Lake! 

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? 

He could really get into the vaultz 

What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer? 

The Netcracker suite 

Where did the hamburger go to dance? 

At the Meat ball 

Where do one-legged dancers go for Breakfast? 

Ihop. 

Short Blonde Jokes That'll You Laugh

Short Blonde Jokes Funny

Funny Blone Jokes

Q:  How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? 

A:  Tell her a joke on Wednesday. 

Q:  Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice? 

A:  Because it said 'concentrate'. 

Q:  What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common? 

A:  You always hear about them but you never see them. 

Q:Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? 

A:  You have to hollow out the head. 

Q:  How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? 

A:  Shine a flashlight in her ear. 

Q: Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in       their car at a drive-in movie theater?  

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". 

Q:  Why can't Blondes be pharmacists? 

A:  They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters. 

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is being unfaithful? 

A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin. 

Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?   

A:  She thought her maxi pad had wings 

Q: Why did god give blonde's 2 more brain cells than he gave cows? 

A: So they wouldn't  shit all over when you play with their tits. 

Love Jokes In English For Girlfriend

Love Jokes In English For Girlfriend 

Funny jokes to tell your friends

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

Life is a comedy for those who think, but a tragedy for those who feel.

I like to show my girlfriend who's boss in our house by holding a mirror up to her face.

I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

The end of a relationship isn't the worst thing. It's worse when it doesn't end after the end.

The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.

I wish the girls who rejected me in high school could see how many Pokémon I've caught.

The key to every relationship is honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. ...Gonna keep typing this until she stops looking over my shoulder.

Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.

Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either.

Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Funny Jokes About Romance One Liner

Funny Jokes About Romance One Liner

Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.

The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".

Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?

One-liner has 73.56 % from 227 votes. Vote:+1-1Tags: attitude, life, love, sarcastic

Never break someone's heart because they have only one inside...break their bones because they have 206 of them.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

I like to show my girlfriend who's boss in our house by holding a mirror up to her face.

The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.

The end of a relationship isn't the worst thing. It's worse when it doesn't end after the end.

The key to every relationship is honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. ...Gonna keep typing this until she stops looking over my shoulder.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.

Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection.

Funny Jokes About Love And Relationships

Funny Jokes About Love And Relationships

Funny joke on married couple

A married couple come to the marriage counselor. The wife complains:

- We were having a perfect marriage until his girlfriend started dating my boyfriend.. 

Funny relationship jokes - SMS

According to the statistics, the most popular SMS among men is: I love you too.

A girl tells her boyfriend:

- After our marriage I will let you kiss me where nobody else has kissed me.

- Where is that?

- In Hawaii.

Funny relationship jokes - Pregnancy

A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant. My name, living address, phone number...

Funny relationship jokes - Bruising

A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise:

- I thought your husband was out of town.

- So did I..

Funny jokes about relationship - Successful man and woman

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman  is one who can find such a man.

Funny jokes about relationship - Compliment

Woman standing in front of the mirror complains to her husband:

- I look ugly. At least you tell me any compliment! 

- Your vision is perfect!

Funny jokes about relationship - Marriage

Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.

Funny jokes about relationship - Marriage certificate

A wife to her husband:

- Honey, what are you doing?

- I'm reading our marriage certificate

- What for?

- I'm looking for the expiry date..

Funny relationship jokes - Woman don't understand

Woman don't understand how a man with two kidneys may say that he can't afford to buy her a new fur coat...

Loving Parents--Funny Love For You Of The Day

Loving parents 

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". 

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". 

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". 

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". 

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

 Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said.  Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. 

 The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

Haircut Jokes--Funny Love Jokes

Haircut 

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. 

His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. 

You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your haircut and we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came back and  asked again, his father if they could discuss use of the car. 

They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but, you didn't get your haircut!" 

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair............ " 

To which his father replied....... "Yes, and they walked every where" 

Primate Jokes--Funny Love Jokes

Primate 

Q: What do baby apes sleep in? 

A: Ape-ricots! 

Q: What did the Gorilla call his first wife? 

A: His prime-mate! 

Q: Why do primates do so well in show biz? 

A: Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines! 

Q: What do monkeys eat for dessert? 

A: Meringue-utans! 

Q: What do you call a flying primate? 

A: A hot air baboon! 

Q: What do you call a naughty monkey? 

A: A badboon! 

Q: What do you call an exploding monkey? 

A: A baBOOM! 

Q: What is a monkey's favorite cookie? 

A: Chocolate chimp! 

Q: What kind of monkey flies to school? 

A: A hot air baboon. 

Q: What's the first thing an ape learns in school? 

A: The ape b c's! 

Q: When do monkeys fall from the sky? 

A: During ape-ril showers. 

Q: Where does a monkey cook his toast ? 

A: Under a gorilla! 

Q: Which sea will make you go ape? 

A: The chimpan-sea! 

Q: Why did King Kong climb the Empire State building? 

A: Because he couldn't fit in the elevator! 

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? 

A: Because they have big fingers! 

Keeping Wife Happy--Funny Love

Keeping Wife Happy

A husband desperate to keep his hot wife happy offers to buy is wife a new car. 

She cutely declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind." 

Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, "

That's not quite what I had in mind." 

Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?" 

She retorts, "I'd like a divorce." 

He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much." 

Love Is For Everyone--Funny Love Jokes

L.I.F.E. = Love Is For Everyone 

Love is gambling, not with money but with your heart. You can always get money back, but you might not get your heart back. 

Love has 4 letters, but then again so does beer. I love strong, powerful mothers. 

They can open jars without my help. One dollar said to the other, our love does not makes cents it makes dollars. 

"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?" 

"Girl, this isnt a beer belly, its a fuel tank for my love machine! "Let it rain, let it pour, because you don't love me anymore." 

My love for you is like a concave function's positive first derivative, because it's always increasing. I love you with all my boobs, I would say heart, but my boobs are bigger. 

The best way to propose to a woman is to carry her on a boat, paddle the boat to the middle of the river then tell her "Marry me or get off my boat" Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don't work out. 

Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration? 

Top 11 Cute Funny Love Quotes For Him Or Her--Funny Love

Top 11 Cute Funny Love Quotes For Him Or Her

1. Forget the butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I am with you.

– Unknown

2. I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.

- Unknown

3. I didn’t want to fall in love, not at all. But at some point, you smiled, and, holy shit, I blew it.- Unknown

4. Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh I put up with you. So we’re even.

- Unknown

5. Excuse me why are you so cute?

- Unknown

6. I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.

- Unknown

7. I love you like a fat kid loves cake 

– Scott Adams

8. When I see you.

9. It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. 

– Lucille Ball

10. I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye. 

– Unknown

11. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life

― Shannon Dermott

Love Is Funny Strange--Funny Love Qoutes

Love Is Funny Strange

1. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

— Woody Allen

2. "If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something."

— Fran Lebowitz 

3. "Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers."

— Richard Pryor

4. "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."

— Chris Rock

5. "My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

— Rodney Dangerfield

6. "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself."'

— Johnny Carson

7. "My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor."

— Elayne Boosler

8. "My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."

— Ray Romano

                                             

9. "I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early."

— Jack Benny

10. "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."

— Unknown

11. "Women love a self-confident bald man."

— Larry David

12. "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

— Billy Crystal

13. "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."

— Bill Maher

14. "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."

— Jackie Mason

15. "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings."

— David Sedaris

16. "Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."

— Phyllis Diller

17. "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."

— Erma Bombeck

​

                                           

True Love--Funny Love

True Love

Ladka: yaar, meri gf ne mere saath break up karke apne naye BF ke saath chipak ke, apni Photo mujhe bheji.

Uska Dost- aashchary se..ohh, "phir tumane kya kiya?"

Ladka: mainne bhi usake papa ko wo photo Forward kar di.

Naitik (moral): thoda alag socho.

Girlfriend: aaj se hamaara rishta khatm, ham ek dusare ko saare Gifts vaapas karate hain.

Papu: theek hai,Mobile Recharge se shuroo karate hain.

GF: jaanu, ab mazaak bhi nahin kar sakti kya?

You can hug it when you're in trouble

You can cry on it when you're in pain

You can embrace it when you're happy

So when you need true love

Buy a pillow

Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.

Way to impress girl: Respect her, honor her, love her, protect her, care 4 her, obey her, sacrifice 4 her.

How to impress a boy? Just smile once ..

Life ka sucessful Moral:

"Pyar woh nahin ke hum ek ko kitne saal taq karte hai."

"Pyar toh woh hai ke hum ek saal mein kitno se karte hai?"

Fence Of Love--Funny Love

FENCE OF LOVE

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by visiting fence against which they first made love.

The husband says, "Come on, for old times' sake." The wife agrees and they both undress.

Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago."

His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"

Anonymous Author--Funny Love

                                                         Anonymous Author

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! 

Anonymous

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? 

Anonymous

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 

Anonymous

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 

Anonymous

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 

Anonymous

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again. 

Anonymous

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!" 

Anonymous